So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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