Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
