she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
