did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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