my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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