I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize