It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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