1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
