my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
