Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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