Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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