That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
