I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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