what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize
