I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
