He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
