New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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