Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
And then he peed in my hair
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