Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
