Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
