Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
