I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The power of my boobs compel you
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
