worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
