It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Are we still banned from the library?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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