How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
