they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
this hospital has no fireball
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
