i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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