i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
