Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
That accounts for only three of the penises
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
