I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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