Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
