just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
