I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I need help removing her.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize