I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
