I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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