At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
