either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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