he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
