i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i will never coherently bang her
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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