Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
