Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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