The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
