When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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