Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I will pee on everything he values.
whose parrot is this?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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