If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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