Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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