idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My first STD was from a foam party
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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