hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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