I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
