this just has baby written all over it
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
MIDGETS
????
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize