I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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