he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
