was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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