Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
