I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
