i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
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