The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
