OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
where does the pee come out of this thing
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
