my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
