I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i need some magic done to my vagina
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
