As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
