She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
