I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
