He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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