Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i will never coherently bang her
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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