I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
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