unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
