hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
