The panties match.
I'll be right there.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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