I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
