it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
