just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
