well I can't set my house on fire every night
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
