the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
