You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
