Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
